blue

I'm the worst at dealing with negative feelings. I didn't get the "happiest" award at SAN for no reason. The past few weeks have been so terribly trying for me. I'm fine, really, but it's just so difficult sorting through and understanding any emotion besides happy, whether it's my own feelings or another's. So tiring. I'm exhausted. What's most exhausting is that when I start feeling down, I just close everyone out. Keep to myself, get lost in my thoughts. If you were to ask me what's wrong, it'd take me a few minutes to resurface and then another few to figure out how to explain myself. Ah, but God is good (all the time) and I have the most patient and understanding boyfriend in the world. It's exhausting trying to handle things on your own, for sure. So I guess this is me publicly blogging and breaking out of my I'm-feeling-blue-and-anti-social shell. I'll spare you the details though. But prayers would definitely be appreciated. Too many tears. Too, too many.

Anywho, I'm getting LASIK done next Friday. It's exciting =) My boss pulled some strings like crazy to let me get it done for free, saving me $4200 (!!!). His only request is that I name my first child after him. Yikes. I'm not too fond of the name Gerry. -_-

Re: Grace's Housing

Today I had a conversation with my boss about commuting versus living near campus for the next four years. It resulted in a letter to my father, which includes the following statements:

"Less driving means less pollution which means less ozone loss which means less global warming which means our human population will last on this earth longer. However, none of this matters if Jesus comes back sooner."

"...more time to study instead of spending the time commuting... However, she would probably actually spend more time online with things like Facebook so she really doesn't study that much more."

"...more friends. After class they can hang out at the nearest Starbucks or bar and drink to their hearts content... Of course, having more friends means she has less time to study..."

"Please consider $40,000 a small price to pay... After all, what is money? It is the root of all sorts of evil so you might as well give it away."

He said I better not show anyone, let alone my dad. I don't know, he has some good points. Besides, it has an official letterhead and a doctor's signature. Pretty legit, I say.

foresight

We regret to inform you that the members of the 2009-2010 Admissions Committee were unable to recommend you for admission to the University of California, Berkeley, School of Optometry in Fall 2010.

I have never read a single sentence more bittersweet than this. It's extremely relieving not having to rack my brain over another interview or having to decide between Berkeley and SCCO. My dad has some benefits from being in the navy, so my tuition would've been covered at Berkeley, saving me over a hundred grand in debt. Plus, I would've greatly appreciated the change of scenery, having been sheltered in SoCal my entire life. However! Almost everyone I know in the optometry field are SCCO alumni, so you can imagine the prodding I've been experiencing. One doctor threatened to retract his LOR when I mentioned considering Berkeley. A few people have half-jokingly said they were praying against me going to Berkeley so I could continue in ministry at my church. And my boss? The one who so perseveringly convinced me to consider optometry in the first place? I can't remember a single day at work in the past few months where he hasn't tried convincing me to attend his alma mater. Up until my acceptance into SCCO, he constantly reminded me that he was praying for me. And even though I've been anticipating news from Berkeley since then, he said, and I quote, "I stopped praying for you." Haha... sad.

It's a huge weight off my shoulders not having any of that pressure anymore. Part of me really wanted to go to Berkeley just because I knew everyone wanted me not to. The hardest part about being upset over this rejection was knowing that everyone I told would be happy about it. This morning I woke up really sad and I wanted to stay home from work and be mopey with the rain. Thank God I didn't though, since I have no reason to be mopey and all the reason to be thankful for my blessings. SCCO is an amazing school and, like everyone says, I'll be local for playtime. I promised I wouldn't be sad over this tomorrow, but I'm over it already. Besides, my boss gave me this ridiculous pink cream puff and a card from everyone at work today, congratulating me on getting into "the best optometry school ever!"


SCCO c/o 2014. BRING IT.

oneiric

I've had the oddest dreams lately.

holmies

I'm pretty sure "guppies" isn't the game where you go to dark places, that cue pics aren't designed for ten people, that playground age restrictions will never be followed, and that the monopoly card game isn't really meant to harm friendships in any way (@paulhsu, I still can't believe how ridiculous you are, but I guess that's what it takes to be alpha male). I drove a hundred miles across seven different freeways today. Another (un)productive day off, I'd say. My biggest regret ever -- leaving my camera at home. asdf;lkj!!

"First, distract target. Then block his blind jab. Counter with cross to left cheek, then attempt wild haymaker, weaken right jaw. In summary, he's wringing, jaws fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging, physical recovery in six weeks, full psychological recovery six months, capacity to spit at back of head, neutralized." --Sherlock Holmes